Forgotten Past
by MaybeEventually
Summary: Ponyboy is now 35, and his wife has just past away. Now, Johnny, the godfather to his 15 year old son, is back in Ponyboy's life.
1. The funeral

I had another story up, about Johnny movin' in with the Curtis's, but I deleted it after only a day, cause like only a couple of hours later I came up with this one. And I got bored with the Johnny movin' in one...VERY quickly.  
  
I also had a dream that it got bad reviews...shudder the horror...  
  
Also this is a whole new fresh start, so the original outsiders story, and my dream one, never happened.  
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I sat in the front row. All day people had been patting my back, telling me how sorry they were, if I ever needed them blah blah blah.  
  
It was just sympathy. That's all it really was. It wasn't going to bring my wife back.  
  
I did appreciate though, but I couldn't help but feel angry.  
  
I didn't know why I did. I didn't even know who it was directed to. I just felt so angry and frustrated.  
  
Michael was up at the stand doing a eulogy (a/n..is that how you spelt it? Microsoft word seems to think so? I dunno, just doesn't look right to me?)  
  
I was so proud of him being able to do this. God, he's only 15...  
  
Before I even had Michael, I wanted to give my kids everything I didn't have. Including parents.  
  
But now he has lost his mother. Why would God do something like this to us? Does he find enjoyment out of our pain? Maybe he's just like us? You know, when you're a kid, and you find it funny to kill ants and watch 'em suffer? I didn't do that, but I remember Dally and Two-Bit used to...God I remember those guys so well.  
  
I looked up at my only son again. He was all I had left. He looked exactly like me. The only difference was that he had his mother's soft brown eyes.  
  
She only passed away yesterday. The pain hadn't fully sunken in yet. I remember it took at least a week for me to realize Darry had really died. (a/n: sorry...I just hate Darry so much...If he hadn't punched Ponyboy in the book, then Pony wouldn't have run away, then Johnny wouldn't have killed that soc...which would have eventually led to Johnny's AND Dally's death. Damn you Darry!)  
  
Everyone began to clap. Michael smiled, and wiped away a few stray tears. He was trying to be strong, but through those eyes I could tell it was killing him inside.  
  
He walked back over to me and sat down. He smiled at me, his eyes filling with tears again.  
  
I put my arms around him, "it's okay to cry over your mum passing away, Michael."  
  
Then he just broke down and wrapped his arms tightly around me, "oh, god, dad, mum's dead!" He cried, and was getting louder. People were staring. I didn't care. He just lost his mother for god's sake and all they can care about is being polite?  
  
The priest came over though and told me to quiet down my son. I would have really let that jerk have it, but I was inside a church, and I had always told Michael that violence wasn't the way, so I took him outside.  
  
We sat in the lobby after it got cold outside. I wanted to cry too, but I had to be strong for him. We couldn't have two blabbering men, crying their hearts out. Someone had to keep control for now.  
  
I wiped away his tears, but it was hopeless, they kept coming. He had drowned my shoulder. "Dad..." he said kind of muffled, since he was speaking into my shoulder, "can we get McDonald's on the way home?"  
  
I lightly laughed and nodded, "yeah." I hugged him.  
  
Jill (a/n: I don't really like that name. But I just wanted something that nobody would REALLY despise.) always got Michael McDonald's when he was feeling upset, or we were on a long drive. She was a great mother, and wife.  
  
After we got McDonald's we had to go back home, for the wake.  
  
I stared at the portrait of Jill on the coffee table. I picked it up, and sat down on our fairly new blue couch. We had only bought it a month ago. Jill saw it in the store window and instantly fell in love with it.  
  
God, she was beautiful. She had long blonde hair and brown eyes that I fell in love with. She had the most beautiful smile...another feature Michael had gotten. And the cutest laugh.  
  
"Ponyboy?"  
  
Sodapop sat down next to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'll survive," I said gloomily.  
  
"What about Michael?"  
  
I looked at him sitting on the bottom of the staircase.  
  
He was staring at nothing, just sitting there, not moving.  
  
His best friend Ryan came over and began talking to him. Michael stood up and hugged him.  
  
I was glad Ryan was there for him.  
  
"I don't know," I shook my head.  
  
"At least he didn't lose both of you in the accident."  
  
"Jill would still be alive today if we hadn't run out of milk...oh, why did I have to eat cereal that morning!"  
  
"Ponyboy, it aint your fault. Nobody can tell the future."  
  
"I should have gone out for milk. It's all my fault. I just couldn't eat my damn fucking cereal without that damn milk! But nooo, I made Jill go get it, it was early in the morning, nobody should drive in the morning. She must have been tired, that's why she got into that car crash..."  
  
"You didn't make her go out. She offered. That's all. It isn't your fault."  
  
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I tried to stop the tears but they wouldn't.  
  
Soda put his arm around me and tried to say comforting things. It won't change the fact that she is dead, or that I killed her.  
  
"How you holdin' up, Pony?" Soda's wife Sandy walked over, and lent down to my level.  
  
I drew in a quivering breath and wiped away my tears.  
  
"Go get him something to drink," Soda told Sandy.  
  
She nodded, gave me a sympathetic look, then walked away.  
  
"Two-Bit sends his apologies. He would come down, but you know with his comedy act he's always on tour, in some part of the world miles away. Dally says he'll be down here in a few days, it's just he's been real busy lately with this divorce settlement with Cherry and all."  
  
Soda's 2 daughters ran over, Kylie age 14, and Rebecca age 12.  
  
They looked like their mother with their father's good looks and charm.  
  
"Hi, uncle Ponyboy," they said in unison.  
  
I smiled at them. "Hi, girls."  
  
"Where's Michael?" They asked.  
  
I looked over at the staircase. And he was gone. "He might be in his room. He could really use the comfort right now."  
  
"We made him these cards," little Becky said, holding up a brightfully coloured card, and Kylie held up hers which was just as decorative.  
  
I smiled again, "he'll like that."  
  
They smiled, then walked away.  
  
"They're sure growin' up quick," I said.  
  
Soda smiled and leaned back on the couch, "yeah."  
  
His face turned dark suddenly though, "Kylie's began dating though. Some little punk. You know what guys are like at that age!"  
  
I chuckled, "Kylie aint stupid. She wouldn't rush into anything. Like making out or anything too serious. She's only 14."  
  
He shrugged, "can never trust boys though."  
  
I put Jill's picture down on the table and also leaned back.  
  
Sandy came back with a glass of water. I was hoping for something maybe a little stronger.  
  
I told her thankyou, and she went and mingled in the crowd.  
  
"So, where's Johnny?" I asked. I hadn't seen him in years, but I still consider him my best friend and Michael's godfather.  
  
Sodapop shrugged, "I haven't heard from him in years."  
  
Neither had I. The last time I had seen him was probably Michael's 5th birthday party. I wonder if Michael even still remembers him?  
  
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(I needed spaces, and Fan Fic wont give me them!)  
  
Soon it was over and I was saying goodbye to everyone.  
  
Soda hugged me and told me if I ever needed him, he's only down the road.  
  
I went upstairs to Michael's room. I knocked on the door. "Just a second," he said.  
  
He opened the door, and Ryan walked out. "Bye, Ryan," Michael said. "Bye, Mike," he looked up at me, "Cya Mr C." (a/n: lol)  
  
I went into Michael's room.  
  
It was painted a dark blue, and had posters up all over his walls.  
  
He sat on his bed, which was in the middle of the room, just underneath his window.  
  
I sat next to him, "how you feeling?"  
  
He sighed and shrugged. His eyes still looked a little watery.  
  
"Do you feel like talking?" I asked.  
  
He shook his head and looked down.  
  
"Well I'm always here if you need to."  
  
He smiled, "I know, dad."  
  
I messed up his hair and he chuckled.  
  
I stood up, "want something to eat or are you still full from McDonald's?"  
  
He cocked an eyebrow (a trick Two-Bit had taught him when he was young) and smirked, "depends on what you're offering?"  
  
I put my hands in my pocket and searched my brain, "well...I don't really feel like cookin' tonight? How 'bout pizza?"  
  
His eyes widened with surprise, "2 take-away meals in one day? Did I get A on my report card or are you just spoiling me?"  
  
I shrugged, "maybe its just cause I love you."  
  
He nodded, "you want me to take the trash out don't you?"  
  
"Yes," I laughed, and left, closing the door behind me.  
  
I went downstairs, and over to the phone. I was dialling the number, when there was a knock at the door.  
  
I put the phone back down and went to go answer it.  
  
I opened the door.  
  
And their standing on my dimly lit porch was Johnny Cade.  
  
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lol I love endin' the first chapter when Johnny appears. Leaves it to a door full of possibilities. Anyways, like the last case scenario, tell me you want another chapter and I'll do it.  
P.S My confidense has risen to a nice stable level, so I've done the pg-13 thing for alex. But pleaseee no one give me a bad review, or it will go crashin' down to a g.


	2. Johnny's return

Thanks to all the reviewers!! Yeah, im sorry bout the author notes in the middle of they story, but some things just cant wait till the end...but ill quit it. Thanks MrsHoldenCaulfield for the detailed reviews you've been given lately! And to Kiks, yeah I know a lottttt of things don't make sense in my story like the rude priest dude...but my stories never really make sense and I cant seem to notice that till like the next day (Soda washin' all of Pony's clothes!! God damn im an idiot!) And with the reflecting stuff, I've never actually experienced someone I know dieing so im not quite sure what goes on inside someone's head.  
I don't remember if I mentioned it, but this is a slash fic between Johnny and Pony again...not straight away though, Pony's wife just died!   
  
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"Johnny Cade?" I questioned just to clarify it was him and not just some relative of Jill's who couldn't make it.  
  
He smiled and nodded, "hey, Pony."  
  
We stood there in an uncomfortable silence, and then we awkwardly hugged.  
  
It's been almost 10 years...you weren't expecting me to scream and leap into his arms were you?  
  
"Um...wanna come inside?" I offered.  
  
"Better than standin' out here," he shrugged.  
  
"Make yourself comfortable. I just gotta call for pizza."  
  
I went over to the phone and began to dial as he sat on the couch.  
  
The pizza guy answered and asked what I would like to order.  
  
"Hold on a sec," I replied, and placed my hand over the receiver.  
  
"You want some pizza?" I asked Johnny.  
  
He shrugged and nodded. He looked around the room with such interest.  
  
"What do you want then?" I couldn't help but smile.  
  
"Um..." he searched his brain, then answered, "Hawaiian?"  
  
I grinned, "that's mine and Michael's favourite too."  
  
I told the pizza guy what I wanted and gave him my address. Then I hung up.  
  
I sat down beside Johnny.  
  
"How is Michael anyway?" Johnny asked.  
  
As if on cue Michael came down stairs. He walked towards me, oblivious to the fact that Johnny was sitting on the couch.  
  
"Called Pizza?" He asked, putting his hands in his pockets.  
  
"Wow, he's grown." Johnny commented.  
  
Michael looked at him and jumped back with shock. "Oh, sorry. I hadn't seen you there."  
  
Johnny nodded.  
  
I looked at the both of them and asked Michael, "do you know who he is?"  
  
Michael shook his head, staring at Johnny sort of suspiciously.  
  
"He's your godfather."  
  
"Hi," Johnny said.  
  
Michael stared at him, then at me, then back at Johnny. "Ohhh! Yeah I remember you! I haven't seen you in like years."  
  
Then the phone rang. Michael went and picked it up.  
  
"Hey, Ryan, hold on." He looked at both of us, and said, "nice seein' you again Johnny." And he went upstairs, chatting to Ryan.  
  
I called out to him that pizza's on its way but I don't think he heard, or was listening.  
  
Johnny smiled. "He looks like a good kid."  
  
"He is," I smiled and nodded. I placed the money for pizza on the bench. "But he wouldn't be half the kid he is today, if it weren't for his mother." Then reality hit me. She was gone. She wasn't going to be their to help me raise him anymore. She wasn't going to watch him grow up with me, or get married, or have our grandchildren.  
  
My lip began to quiver and my knees turn to jelly.  
  
"Pony?" Johnny said utterly worried.  
  
"Oh god, she's gone," I began to cry.  
  
Johnny got up quickly and hurried over to me. He hugged me tightly, "shh, Pony."  
  
I cried harder. "Jill's dead!"  
  
"What?" Johnny said confused.  
  
I stepped back, wiping away my tears and just stared at him, "you didn't know?"  
  
He looked horrified. He shook his head, "I had to idea."  
  
I closed my eyes and tried to take a deep breath to come me down, but I couldn't stop from shaking.  
  
Johnny hugged me again, "I'm so sorry. If I knew I would have been here sooner. God, I am truly so sorry. I knew how much you loved her."  
  
Loved...Past tense. My eyes were stinging and my heart was beating so strongly I could hear it.   
  
Time sort of slowed and I could hear my heart just beating in slow booms. I stared at the ground when Johnny let go of me. I saw my tears slowly roll down my cheeks to the ground.  
  
Johnny wiped them away and stroked my hair back with his hand. I looked up at him with such sorrow.  
  
How can I go on? She was my wife. The mother of my child. How will I possibly be able to wake up every morning and not see her sleeping beside me so peacefully, or in my arms?  
  
I will never be able to hold her again. Or kiss her. Or tell her that I love her. Did she know how much I loved her? Or how much I appreciated her? Or how happy she had made me over the past 15 years?  
  
Johnny sat me down on the couch. Tears freely escaped from my eyes. Will this pain ever go away? I knew it wouldn't. They'll always be this day in the back of my mind. Or the day I got the phone call telling me she was killed in a car crash.  
  
Johnny rubbed my shoulder, "I know it's tough now. But the pain will go away."  
  
Had he read my mind? Naw, it's just some typical thing you say to make them feel better.  
  
The doorbell rang.  
  
I was getting up to get it but Johnny pushed me back down.  
  
"I'll get it." He said and stood up.  
  
"The money's on the bench," I said, wiping my tears away again.  
  
He grabbed it and worked over to the door.  
  
I heard the rain pounding down outside. I hadn't noticed it was raining. It must have just started.  
  
Johnny soon came back and sat the pizza on the bench.  
  
He looked over at me, "you gonna be okay, Pony?" He asked sympathetically.  
  
I nodded, sniffed, and stood up. "Michael," I yelled out, "pizza's here."  
  
I took in a few deep breaths to gain composer, so Michael won't see that I've been in total distress over his mother dieing.  
  
He came down, holding the cordless phone against his ear.  
  
He came into the kitchen and grabbed some slices of pizza. He looked over at me with a worried look, "dad? Are you okay?"  
  
I nodded, and smiled.  
  
I shoved a pizza in his mouth, gave me another worried look, and then went upstairs.  
  
Johnny found where I kept the plates and placed our pizza's on them.  
  
He walked over and gave me a plate of pizza.  
  
I thanked him and took him. I wasn't exactly hungry though so I just sat there staring at it.  
  
After a few minutes of listening to Johnny eating I spoke. "Johnny? Where have you been all these years? I hadn't heard from you, and neither had Soda?"  
  
Johnny shrugged.  
  
Damn Johnny. He always kept his mouth shut. He had gotten better over the years, and opened up a bit more. He also showed what he was feeling more.  
  
But there were times like these. But I was glad he was here. I had missed him a lot. Although we hadn't really spoken to each other since he's been here, we never really spoke back in our early teen years either. We just understood each other. I wonder if he can understand the pain im going through right now?  
  
"Ponyboy, can I move in?"  
  
I felt my heart leap into my throat. What?!  
  
"Just for a few days. I'm sorry to ask you this so soon, what with what's recently happened to you and all, but I'm desperate. I've got nowhere else to go."  
  
"I don't know, Johnny...I mean, with Jill...the next few days are probably gonna be the toughest days of mine and Michael's life."  
  
"And I'll be there to help you guys whenever I can. Or when you just need a shoulder to cry on?"  
  
I sighed, staring at my pizza.  
  
I took a bite out of it. I would probably need the extra help.  
  
I've still got my job to think about, and now I'll have to do twice the housework I had to do before. I'd be sent to an early grave with all that on my shoulders, and trying to also cope with the death of my wife.  
  
I looked at Johnny. He had those big puppy dog eyes.  
  
"I'll have to sleep on it," I said.  
  
He nodded, "fair enough."  
  
"You can sleep on the couch here tonight."   
  
"Thanks, Pony, you're a real pal," he grinned.  
  
I just smiled. I stood up and sat my plate over on the bench.  
  
"I'll go get you some blankets. Then I'm heading to bed. I've had a long day."  
  
He nodded.  
  
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**Michael's Pov**  
  
"I just can't believe she's really gone, man. It was only last week she helped me with my homework. What's it like living without a mum?" I sighed to Ryan over the phone.  
  
I was lying on my bed, staring at the many posters around my walls.   
  
"I never really had a mum, so I don't know what it's like to lose her."  
  
Ryan's mum and dad had ditched him when he was only a few month's old. He's been living with his grandparents ever since. I had always suspected that in a way he sort of envied me for having that perfect little stable home. But now it's been torn apart with the death of my mum.  
  
"Have you told your dad yet?" He asked.  
  
I wished he would quit askin' me. I didn't want to ever tell my dad. I wanted to keep it a secret from him forever.  
  
It's not that I can't talk to my dad. It's just that this is something that I'm not sure how he'll handle it.  
  
"No. I don't think I should for a while yet. With my mum and all, I don't think I should just spring this on him straight away."  
  
He sighed, "you gotta tell him one day."  
  
Not unless I can stall from telling him forever.  
  
"I know," I said, rolling my eyes.  
  
"I gotta go. My Nan wants the phone."  
  
"Okay then, seeya," I sighed.  
  
"Bye," he said then added, "I love you."  
  
I smiled, "yeah, I love you too." Then we hung up.  
  
I curled up into a ball, and sighed, feeling tears roll down my cheek. If only I could have said goodbye to my mum. Or could have gotten just one last hug.  
  
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That's it for now. I wanted to ay thanks again to MrsHoldenCaulfield for telling me the year...I totally didn't think of that! I rushed this story so nobody complain about it. Oh man, I can't handle bad reviews. Michael's gay, nobody complain 'bout that neither please, it's just something that I can add a story line to.  
I will explain about Jill in the next chapter, I promise. Just this one I had no time...well I couldn't of been stuffed.  
I'll also explain some other things, but that' for later chapters.  
And for the confused people, Jill died in a car crash. Ponyboy ran out of milk, so she went up to the milkbar to get him more, but on the way she crashed. That's all I'm explaining for the death. You can use your imaginations after that point.


	3. Flashbacks

I think I forgot to put the disclaimer thingy in before so I'll do it now justtttt to make sure.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from the book The Outsiders.  
  
MrsHoldenCaulfield im usin' your idea with the whole makin' Michael and Johnny close thing- great idea!  
Don't remember if I mentioned it, but Makado Felton...I loveeeeee Tom Felton!!! lol  
  
p.s sorry it took me so long to update.  
  
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I dragged my feet down the hall with my head down low. When I entered my room it just made me feel worse.  
  
The moonlight was shining through the window and the light pooled on Jill's side of the bed.  
  
I took off my shoes, and walked in.  
  
Was my room always so dark and gloomy like this?  
  
I sat on my side of the bed and took off my shirt and pants.  
  
I layed down in bed. I rolled over on instinct to put my arm around Jill. My arm just fell back down onto the bed. The bed felt so empty now. It was so big. Did I always have so much space on my side?  
  
Tears rolled down my cheeks which felt like the millionth time that day.  
  
It had become routine to get into bed each night, and see Jill laying beside me, just smiling at me. And I would put my arm around her and kiss her.  
  
But now I was alone. Alone in this huge bed. I closed my eyes and sighed...  
  
-Flashback-  
"And this is the last room of the house. The master bedroom with a connected bathroom."  
  
Me and Jill followed the real estate agent Mr Hinton into the room.  
  
"Wow, it's pretty big, huh, Ponyboy?" Jill smiled at me.  
  
I nodded.  
  
"So, would you two like to buy this house, or look at another?" Mr Hinton asked.  
  
I looked over at Jill. She bit her bottom lip like she always did when she was unsure.  
  
"We'll talk about it."  
  
"Alright, I'll let you two discuss it over then." Mr Hinton walked out and closed the door behind him.  
  
Jill sat down on the queen size bed in the room.  
  
She bounced up and down then grinned at me.  
  
"So, what do you think 'bout this place?" I put my hands in my pockets.  
  
She shrugged and tilted her head, "it's nice."  
  
She rubbed her stomach. She was about 5 months pregnant now.  
  
"That room Mr Hinton showed us down the hall, will be a perfect room for Michael when he's born." She said, smiling so happily at her stomach. She simply glowed every time she thought about our baby on the way. I remember the first day I met her she told me how badly she wanted to have kids.  
  
"Who says it's gonna be a boy?" I sat down beside her.  
  
She shrugged again, "I can just tell."  
  
I kissed her lips. "What do you think of this room?"  
  
She layed down, and stared up at the roof, "it's got a good vibe. And the connected bathroom is a bonus!" She grinned, at me.  
  
I leaned over her and kissed her again. She put her arms around my shoulders and played with the hair on the back of my head.  
  
It was always kind of disturbing doing this, when she was pregnant. I mean, the baby is RIGHT there, in between us?! But I just keep my lips off her sometimes.  
  
"Are you two done discussing it?" Mr Hinton RUDELY came in without knocking.  
  
I jumped up. Jill giggled and sat up.  
  
Mr Hinton looked at us both nervously, "I didn't interrupt anything too important did I?"  
  
I shrugged, feeling embarrassed. God, it's like being at home again and getting caught.  
  
"So what's your decision?"  
  
"Pony?" Jill bit her bottom lip.  
  
I took a deep breath and answered, "we'll buy it."  
-end-  
  
I sighed, and fell into a deep sleep.  
  
_...several hours later_  
  
**Michael's Pov  
**  
I tossed and turned in bed. I couldn't get back to sleep. I just had this horrible nightmare about mum dieing in that car crash. I sat up, and had cold sweat running down my back and forehead.  
  
I wiped away my tears and sighed heavily. I grabbed my t-shirt off the ground and put it on. I remember back when I was younger whenever I had a nightmare I would go to mum and dad's room and sleep with them. That was always comforting enough to make me forget all about my scary dream.  
  
Maybe I should go see dad? Maybe he can't sleep either, so we can comfort each other.  
  
I can't imagine how torn up inside he must be. It's horrible I lost my mum. It hurts so much. But probably dad is going through it much worse.  
  
I mean, he met her and fell in love with her. They got married and had me. They had so many memories together.  
  
I can't imagine what kind of pain I would go through if Ryan ever died.  
  
Ryan and me met when we were 8. We instantly became bestfriends and grew up together. I knew I liked him more than a friend when I was checking him out instead of the girls in my class when we were about 14.  
  
So anyway I crept down the hall to mum and dad's room...err...well I guess it's now just dad's room. Thinking that felt like a punch to my stomach.  
  
I peered into Dad's room (punch to the stomach!) and saw him sleeping there.  
  
He looked kind of distressed and was mumbling Jill. Then he smiled and said, "don't ever leave me again."  
  
I looked down at the ground and walked away.  
  
I went downstairs and into the kitchen.  
  
I opened the fridge and shuffled around all the food to find a juice box.  
  
"Ponyboy?"  
  
I jumped and hit my head on the shelf. I swore under my breath and rubbed my head. I stood up and closed the fridge.  
  
I turned around. Johnny was laying on the couch?  
  
"Johnny? Naw, it's me Michael. What are you still doin' here?"  
  
"I'm stayin' here the night. What are you doin' up?"  
  
I looked down kind of embarrassed, "I had a bad dream."  
  
"Wanna talk about it?"  
  
I looked up a little surprised, "you wanna hear it?"  
  
He nodded, and sat up. He patted next to him.  
  
I smiled. I walked over to him and sat down.  
  
"I had a dream about my mum," I said quietly.  
  
"What happened?" He asked, looking concerned.  
  
"I saw her driving her car, when she...crashed." I gulped, and closed my eyes, trying to think of something else.  
  
But the image of her screaming face from my dream kept filling my mind and I began crying again.  
  
Johnny pulled me into a hug. It was sort of strange. I mean, I haven't seen this guy in so many years and we're already on a hugging basis. But I wrapped my arms around him anyway and squeezed the life out of him tightly.  
  
"Are you leaving tomorrow?" I asked, laying my head on his shoulder.  
  
"Depends on what your dad says."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I've got nowhere to go. I was hoping I could stay here for a while."  
  
I sat back, out of his hug, and looked at him confused, "where did you live before?"  
  
He shrugged, "bummin' 'round. Goin' place to place. This was actually the last place I expected to turn up."  
  
"Why?" I tilted my head.  
  
He sighed and shrugged. "Let's just say I was running from a past I was trying hard to forget."  
  
"Oh," I nodded. "Would you mind if I asked what you were running from?"  
  
"Kid, I don't think it's something that you would generally give a fuck 'bout."  
  
I chuckled, "fair enough. But you could always give it a shot on tellin' me. I may care. You don't know till you've tried."  
  
He smiled. "Maybe I'll tell you some other time."  
  
"Fine," I rolled my eyes.  
  
"So, you feelin' better?" He asked.  
  
I nodded then yawned, "I better be goin' back to bed."  
  
"Night, Michael," Johnny said as I got off the couch.  
  
"I hope dad lets you stay," I smiled and walked away.  
  
**Johnny's pov  
  
**That kid wasn't so bad. I think he was actually beginning to wear off on me.  
  
I remember I used to hate him. It wasn't his fault. It was just he was _Pony's_ kid. Michael was just a constant reminder of what I had let just walk out of my life. My only love.  
  
-Flashback-  
I watched him pace the room back and forth.  
  
"Oh god, what if something goes wrong! I heard about women diein' during giving birth!" Pony gripped his hair, almost pulling it out.  
  
He was sweatin' somethin' fierce, he was so scared and worried.  
  
"Pony, relax! Everything's gonna be fine," Sodapop laughed.  
  
Soda was sitting next to me.  
  
We were in the waiting room, waiting for Jill to have that damn baby.  
  
We'd been here for about 6 hours now! I didn't want to be here, I hated Jill and I hated that unborn baby. But Pony wanted me to be here and I would do anything for him...well recently I will do anything for him.  
  
"Johnny, what would I do if Jill did die during it?! Or our baby did?!"  
  
_Our Baby_. The baby they made! The baby that wouldn't fucking be there if Darry hadn't made me feel so fuckin' guilty. I was glad he was dead for ruining my life!  
  
A nurse rushed in, breathing heavily.  
  
Ponyboy almost tackled her. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her, "is something wrong?!?!?!!?!?!!?"  
  
The nurse pushed him off her and brushed herself her. She must have had other panicked men in the past shake her.  
  
She chuckled, "everything is fine Mr Curtis. And you have a baby boy."  
  
"A boy!" Ponyboy grinned ear to ear. He was glowing with pride.  
  
Oh joy, a boy, oh hallelujah!  
  
"Can we see Jill and the new baby?" Sodapop stood up.  
  
The nurse shook her head but nodded at Ponyboy, "the father can see them now. Then you two can come in."  
  
The nurse went back inside. Ponyboy looked over at us, still grinning like a complete idiot, "I'm a dad!!"  
  
"And I'm an uncle!" Sodapop grinned.  
  
And I want to shoot myself in the head!  
  
Ponyboy went inside to see his fucking god damn family.  
  
"Aint this great Johnny! Our little Ponyboy is a daddy!"  
  
I smiled with fake cheerfulness, "I couldn't be happier for him."  
  
After some time the nurse allowed us in.  
  
Ponyboy was sitting on the edge of the bed next to Jill, with the new little bundle of _joy _in his arms.  
  
I know that's my bestfriend and I should be happy for him, but I couldn't help but feel so resentful. I shouldn't take my anger out on Pony or his kid. I should blame Jill! That traitor! That bitch betrayed me!  
  
Sodapop hurried over to the new baby and fell in love with his new nephew instantly. It was sickly the way he was doing baby voices to it.  
  
After Soda was done, Ponyboy stood up and walked over to me, "see the baby Johnny."  
  
"Oh, I'd love to," I tried to hide the severe bitterness in my voice.  
  
The baby was so small. It had brown eyes like Jill and a very thin patch of auburn hair on its head.  
  
The baby looked up me. He was cute, I couldn't deny that. But seeing him made me want to just break down and cry.  
  
I fought back my tears and looked at Ponyboy. He was so happy. I guess Darry was right. God, why can't I just let go of Pony!  
  
"He's great Ponyboy," I smiled. And for once tonight I meant what I said.  
  
Ponyboy grinned again and then said, "Johnny you're my bestfriend and you were the best man at my wedding. I want you to be Michael's god father."  
  
My eyes widened in shock, or horror, I couldn't tell which one, "oh, Pony, don't do that."  
  
He smiled, "I want you to be."  
  
I felt flattered and touched he wanted me to be the godfather when I had tried to make him hate Jill originally.  
  
"Thanks, Ponyboy," I smiled again.  
  
"You wanna hold him?" He asked.  
  
"I think Jill would rather hold him right now."  
  
Ponyboy looked back at Jill, and she smiled.  
  
Ponyboy nodded and laughed, "yeah probably." And he walked back over to her and passed her the baby.  
  
I never thought my heart could break any more, but after today, yeah it can break so much more.  
  
-end-  
  
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That's It. I'll update again probably next week (that's if I don't get such horrible reviews that tell me this entire story sucked or this chapter sucked.)  
  
I've also never been in the waiting room place expecting someone to have a baby, so this was also guessed up on how someone would act or feel.  
  
Yeah Johnny is actin' like a real jerk, but he has his reasons!


	4. Ponyboy Goes Down

Kay im finally updating again for the people who actually like this story. This is just gonna be a small chapter cause I think I need to know what Pony's job is first (suggestions!!! I have no idea!!!!!!!!!!!). And yeah this is a scene takin' out of the movie Igby Goes Down. I watched it recently. It's pretty good.  
Oh and when I was bout to write this I went to go turn on the tv, coz the house was eerily quiet, and igby was on!! Coincidence! I think not!...okay yeah it most likely is.  
P.S Gamaliel im sorry if I offended you or somethin. Yeah you made a good point bout Darry so I'll shine him in a better light (but not from Johnny's pov! Johnny still hates him). But saying he's the hero of the book was exaggerating it jusssst a bit don't you think? Don't flame me!!   
PP.S lol MrsHoldenCaulfield. I type "oh god" a lot lol. And most likely, this chapter may have a few...  
  
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**Ponyboy's Pov  
  
**I was having the best dream. Jill was alive again and we were just talking, laughing, holding hands, staring at each other with those goofy smiles. It was just so normal. Like it was so much like reality instead of a dream, though it was a dream...you get me? They should call those types of dreams- drealitys.  
  
But all good dreams can't last forever and the sun crept through my curtains and burned my eyes till my dream faded away in a bright light. I had to wake up.  
  
I tossed and turned for a while hoping (praying) to somehow fall back into my peaceful sleep and reunite with my Jilly in my dreality.  
  
But it was hopeless and my alarm clock also turned against me and set off. Oh man, the start of a new day. Another day without Jill.  
  
I rolled off and switched it off. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I glared at that damn window and then got out of bed.  
  
I dragged myself into the bathroom. The cold tiles were like ice to my feet and stepping onto the soggy mat wasn't exactly great either.  
  
I opened the shower door and twisted the knobs till I got the right temperature.   
  
I stood back and closed the door to take off my clothes. Then got in.  
  
It was really refreshing to have the warm water run down my aching body. Taking a shower always helped ease my emotional pain.  
  
I soaped up my body and my thoughts drifted off again to Jill. I still remember the first day I met her...  
  
**Flashback!  
  
**I ran down the street, not caring I was ditching track. I had to go. I couldn't be at school anymore. It just hurt to much to see him there.  
  
I ran as fast as I could, my coach would be proud if he could see me now to see how fast I was going and how much effort I was putting into it.  
  
I just had to keep going faster. Maybe if I ran fast enough, a car will come by when im running across the road and not see me, then they'll run me over and I won't have to face this pain I felt for him no more.  
  
Or maybe even more far-fetched I would run so fast that a giant wormhole will open up and swallow me, and I would enter into another dimension! Possibly the future, so then I would have gotten over this a long time ago.   
  
I ran down to the lot, then just collapsed to the ground under a tree and cried. God, why does everyone I love leave me?! Don't I deserve to be loved!  
  
"Hey...are you okay?"  
  
I wiped away my tears quickly and looked up.  
  
The sun was shining down on her like an angel.  
  
She tilted her head and asked again, "what's wrong?"  
  
Gosh, she was beautiful. But a real innocent beauty. She had to be a soc. But then again, why would I soc give me the time of day?  
  
Her cheeks turned to a light blush, and she looked away, escaping a small tiny giggle from her lips.  
  
I wondered why she reacted like that, and I realised it must have been cause I was staring at her...and still am.  
  
I looked down quickly.  
  
"Um...I dunno. Just nothing really I guess." I shrugged.  
  
"I'm Jill," she said sweetly.  
  
I looked up at her again, "I'm Ponyboy."  
  
She looked at me sort of strangely for a second or two, then something I didn't recognise.  
  
"Yes, that is my real name," I said a little frustrated.  
  
She bit her bottom lip, and then sat down beside me.  
  
I could smell her shampoo. It made me smile 'cause it smelt like apples, and I like apples.  
  
The sting I felt for him, wasn't as intense since Jill turned up. I'd like to keep her around.  
  
"So what made you so upset?" She asked again. It was kind of irritating. I didn't answer the first two times...get a hint!  
  
"Um..." I made up something quick, "I tripped." Okay, I could have taken a little bit more time to make up something.   
  
She chuckled and when I looked at her, she tried to hold it in.  
  
"Sorry," she said, holding her mouth trying to keep in her laughter.  
  
I smiled.  
  
"Well, how badly did you trip? Did you like full on fall, and hurt your knee's or something?"  
  
I rolled my eyes, still smiling.  
  
"Would you like me to kiss them for you?" She then couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out laughing.  
  
She tried to apologize and stop through fits of laughter, but she just couldn't.  
  
I laughed too, though I didn't think it was all that funny, but there was something 'bout this girl that made me feel simply happy. Like I didn't have to worry about him anymore.  
  
After she calmed down, and wiped away her tears that had came from the laughter she took me by surprise and said, "wanna go to the movies on Saturday?"  
  
My eyes widened. I barely knew her and she was askin' me out! Maybe it's just a friends thing...or a sympathy thing for me "tripping".  
  
"Um...sure," I nodded, still dumbfounded by it.  
  
She grinned, "cool!"  
  
**End of Flashback  
  
**I smiled and sighed happily. If only I could turn back time and re-live some of those moments with her all over again. Man, we were just Michael's age back then.  
  
Tears came back again as I thought about her more. I began to hit my head against the tile wall of the shower. Not hard enough to actually really hurt me, but just enough to show the shower my tormented frustration.  
  
My thoughts somehow wondered over to Johnny and I remembered I was meant to decide whether or not Johnny could stay here a couple of days.  
  
I didn't want him to because I didn't trust myself with him at this vulnerable stage of my life.  
  
I know he's my bestfriend and I can't kick him out onto the streets if he truly has nowhere to go, but I just can't have him around.   
  
I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist.  
  
I went over to the sink to shave, and noticed how I didn't recognise the person staring back at me.  
  
Had I really gotten that old? I had the odd strand of grey through my hair...most likely caused from those nights Michael stayed out all night without me knowing where he was, or not even a phone call from him. I tend to panick a lot 'bout his safety, but I guess that's because he's my only child so I'm just a littleeee protective.  
  
I gripped my hair and my breathing got more heavy. I stared down at my shaver sitting there next to the sink.  
  
I was so distressed over Jill and wasn't sure if I could go on without her, or even raise Michael as a single father. It would be so much easier to grab the blade out of that damn shaver and end it all so that way I wont have to face my problems.  
  
"Ponyboy?" It was Johnny. He knocked on the door.  
  
I tried to sound calm, "yeah?"  
  
"Michael hasn't gotten out of bed yet and I was wonderin' if he should be?"  
  
I took in a deep breath and nodded, "yeah he is."  
  
"Want me to wake him up?" He offered.  
  
I smiled, "yeah. Thanks, Johnny."  
  
"No problem, Pony." And I listened to him leave.  
  
I had forgotten how refreshing it was just to have him there. No! Ponyboy, it's just your sudden loneliness after Jill dieing, talkin'.  
  
I picked up the shaver. I was a full gown man, yet I still found it hard to face my problems. How can people thrive on the thought of a challenge?  
  
But I couldn't run away this time, no matter how badly I wanted to. I've got responsibilities now and a kid to look after. Time to grow up, Pony.  
  
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Okay, it wasn't as short as I expected it to be. And it also turned out nothing like Igby Goes Down in my opinion. There were some similarities but nothing too much that would get me sued for copyright.  
  
reunite with my Jilly in my dreality. Lol!!! I just had to add dreality. People who read this are probably gonna think im so stupid.  
  
REVIEWS PLEASEEEEEEE!!!!!! (unless it's flames or mean constructive critism. If it's constructive critism you're giving, do it in a very nice way, so I don't take it the wrong way). I just like to know if you've read it. I love reviews (good reviews!!). Okay now go review please lol....(hmm...did that whole review my story thing come off as a little too desperate?)  
  
Also, for the people who didn't get the chapter name...or took it a dirty way;) lol, it's a reference to Igby Goes Down...yeah get it, Ponyboy Goes Down, Igby Goes Down, Pony, Igby, I switched the names, eh eh get it! I'm just gonna Shutup now...


	5. Good Breakfast

Thanks for the reviews!! And thank you sooo much lilliluthor for saying I have a excellent grasp of the characters, I've always wanted to hear that!  
  
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**Michael's pov  
  
**"Michael...."  
  
I groaned and faced the other way in my bed.  
  
Now he put his hand on my shoulder and gently shook me. "Come on Michael, you've gotta wake up. You've got school."  
  
I groaned again and whined, "just 5 more minutes dad."  
  
"Naw, it's me Johnny."  
  
I rolled back over to face him and opened up one eye to peer at him.  
  
Yep, it was Johnny. I was glad to see him.  
  
I grinned and opened my eyes. I sat up tiredly and rubbed my eyes, "hey, Johnny."  
  
"Hey. I made breakfast!" He grinned excitedly about it.  
  
What was that meant to mean? Did he normally make breakfast and it was really good, so good that you'll get a tear to your eye. Or did he never make breakfast because he was so bad and was using me and dad as guinea pigs to practice his cooking on? Hmm...  
  
I looked at him suspiciously. He laughed and answered as if he had read my mind, "naw, it's good. So people tell me anyway."  
  
Johnny left and about 5 minutes later I came downstairs for breakfast.  
  
He had already served it and it was sitting on the bench.  
  
I pulled up a stool and sat in front of it. Well it sure passed the smell test. I wonder how it tasted...  
  
Johnny looked over at me from the stove, eagerly waiting for me to try his cooking. He had a sort of glint in his eye.  
  
I picked up the fork and gave him one last suspicious look, just in case this was poisonous and he was trying to kill me for some reason. I heard if you look your killer in the eye, before you die, you'll come back and haunt them! So this is just in case.  
  
I scooped up some scrambled eggs with my fork, and stared at him as I put it in my mouth.  
  
OMG!!!!!!! It tasted great!  
  
My tongue was tingling from the great taste! I began to wolf the rest down quickly.  
  
"Like it?" Johnny cocked an eyebrow, smiling.  
  
I nodded, and replied with my mouth still full, "yeah, it's great! How'd you learn to make breakky like this!!"  
  
He shrugged, leaning cooly against a counter, "picked up tips from place to place. I've made breakfast for a lot of people to practice on."  
  
I began shoving the stuff in my mouth again. But soon it was all gone.  
  
"Want more?" He asked.  
  
I nodded, grinning like a maniac. I picked up my plate and held it out to him.  
  
He filled my plate with my of the scrumptious stuff and I began stuffing my face once again just as dad came down the stairs.  
  
"Hey, dad!" I said, little bits of breakfast flying from my mouth, "you gotta have some of Johnny's cooking!! It's incredible!"  
  
It was so great, it was almost orgasmic!!  
  
Dad looked at me kind of sadly, and then almost guilty looking when he looked at Johnny.  
  
"You didn't have to make breakfast," dad said staring at my plate.  
  
He looked back at Johnny when Johnny spoke, "but I wanted to. My way of saying thanks for letting me stay here for the night."  
  
Dad gulped. I looked up at the time. I had to get to school!  
  
I hopped off the stool quickly and ran over to the door, grabbin' my bag.  
  
I slung it over my shoulder and waved goodbye, "sorry, gotta go! Thanks for breakfast Johnny. Bye!" And I opened the door and ran out.  
  
Ryan was waiting at the letterbox like he normally did every school morning so we could walk together.  
  
"Hey, Ryan!" I grinned. Wow, he looked great this mornin'.  
  
"Hey," he smiled. And when I was close to him, he pecked my lips.  
  
I jumped back in panick and looked at my house quickly. No one seemed to be looking out of windows.  
  
I faced Ryan again, "dang Ryan! Not in front of my house! My dad could see! Or maybe the neighbours could have seen and they would tell my dad!"  
  
"Relax," he chuckled and then caressed my cheek.  
  
I brushed his hand away angrily and walked ahead, "let's just go to school."  
  
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I know it's extremely short but I was bored so I did this. Anways review please:D!!!!!!


	6. Walking to School

Sorry I took so dang long to update, but I have a serious case of writer's block with this story. And sorry it's another short chapter. REALLY SORRY!!  
  
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**Michael's Pov  
  
**"Are you mad?"  
  
"Why would I be mad?"  
  
"Because you're stomping. You always stomp when you're angry. Look, you're so angry the rocks you're stepping on are turning into dust!"  
  
I stopped.  
  
Ryan smiled at me. I felt myself begin to smile too so I looked away to keep my angry composure. This made him grin.  
  
"I knew you couldn't stay mad at me. What'd I do? Is it because of outside your house earlier?"  
  
"Yes!" I looked at him angrily. I glared at him so he would feel at least a little bad, but he just kept smiling.  
  
"You're so cute. Mikey, no one saw. It's okay."  
  
"We don't know if someone saw! What if I go home and my dad is sitting alone in the dark all creepy like and says sadly, 'Michael...sit down. We have to talk.' And then he yells at me for being gay!"  
  
"Or yells at you for waiting so long to tell him your were gay!"  
  
I lowered my head.  
  
"Your dad won't get mad. He loves you a lot and is very understanding."  
  
"And you know this...how?"  
  
Ryan lifted my chin so I looked into his eyes. "I just do." He then kissed me.  
  
I closed my eyes and melted into it, but then realized anyone could see us!  
  
I pushed him off me, "didn't we just talk about this sorta thing in public!"  
  
"Then wouldn't it help if you lowered your voice?" Ryan cocked an eyebrow, smirking.  
  
I sighed frustratingly, grabbed his t-shirt, and dragged him into a sort of alleyway between two houses that led down to a park, but it was shaded good.  
  
I pressed him against the wall and kissed him.  
  
He opened his mouth to me and my tongue went explorin'.  
  
He placed his hands on my hips and slid them up my t-shirt.  
  
It made me shiver with desire when he moaned while brushing his fingertips over my chest.  
  
I stopped when I felt my lips start to feel a little numb.  
  
Ryan smiled and took his hands out of my top and then kissed my cheek. He nuzzled his head on my shoulder.  
  
I wrapped my arms around him and sighed happily. "Let's not go to school today."  
  
He shook his head a little and then looked back up at me, sadly. "I don't want to go, but we got to." Then he said playfully, tilting his head, "besides, aren't you worried that someone will get suspicious that _both_ of us are away?"  
  
"Ohmigod! You're totally right!" I said dumbfounded.  
  
"Come on, we gotta hurry, or we'll be late!" I walked out of the alley and back onto the path.  
  
"I was only kidding, Michael," Ryan caught up to me.  
  
"But you made a great point!" I said. He rolled his eyes.  
  
**Johnny's Pov  
  
**"So...Have you made your decision 'bout me stayin' here for a while?" I put some breakfast on his plate, then stood back.  
  
Ponyboy looked at me sadly, then down at his food, "well, I've thought about it and..."  
  
He scooped some of the bacon with his fork and put it in his mouth.  
  
"OHMIGOD! WOW!" He almost choked.  
  
I grinned.  
  
"Johnny, this is amazing!!! It's so good it should be freakin' illegal!!!"  
  
I pretended to be modest, "stop, it's not that good."  
  
"Are you kidding! Wow!" He began to stuff his face like Michael had earlier.  
  
"So...like you were saying..." I asked.  
  
He looked up a little confused, and then remembered.  
  
He finished the food in his mouth and then spoke, "well..." he looked unsure but then looked down at breakfast, "I guess it can't hurt to have you 'round." He looked back up at me, "but this is just temporary! So you have time to find another place."  
  
I grinned, "thanks Ponyboy! I guess I'll be making you breakfast again then?"  
  
Ponyboy grinned and nodded quickly.  
  
I turned around to face the stove, and smirked since he couldn't see me.  
  
"We've got a spare room upstairs. It needs some cleaning up since we've been using it as a storage room for all of Michael's baby stuff, but it's got a bed so I guess you can sleep there."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me about this yesterday?"  
  
Ponyboy thought about and then shrugged, "I wasn't thinking straight."  
  
I went over to the couch and picked up my bag of clothes and things that I had brought here yesterday, "Kay, well I better go put my stuff up there."  
  
Ponyboy nodded.  
  
I went upstairs, and regretted not asking where it was, but it didn't take me too long to find it.  
  
I opened the door, and yeah it was a pretty big mess.  
  
I climbed over old prams and toys of Michael's from over the years and opened the wardrobe to sit my bag in their.  
  
But that's when I noticed my reflection in the huge mirror against the door...and not only my reflection.  
  
A man was standing behind me in the distance, against Michael's old crib. He looked angry. And I knew who it was. It was Darry.  
  
I turned around quickly, but he was gone.  
  
I looked back at the mirror and it was just my reflection again.  
  
My heart was beating quickly with fear, but now Jill was out of the picture. Ponyboy's lived his life and conquered his goals. Now I'm allowed to step in, no matter how much Darry is against it.  
  
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How many times has that ghost in the mirror thing been done? Oh well, I love it when they do that in tv! There are going to be no more appearances of Darry! This is no supernatural haunting fic or whatever. REVIEW!!!!!:D


	7. Secrets in the Closet

Sorry it took me so long again to update. I've been busy, and the times I did have a chance, I was lazy. I didn't know which story to update first, so I decided ill update which ever one had the most reviews and this one did.   
Yep, hope MrsHoldenCaulfield and YaoiCyberCat don't mind if I take their ideas with Johnny and showin' Darry again- they were both totally great ideas!   
And streetpanther1 im plannin' on explainin' 'bout Darry. And also a bit more 'bout Jill. She's sort of evil in my head right now...laughs evilly   
Thanks for the reviews!   
p.s i have nooooo idea what the hell im talkin' bout so it's all just guess work again!

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**Johnny's Pov **

I left the room and back downstairs. I noticed Pony wasn't in the kitchen anymore but he had sat his plate in the sink.

"Ponyboy?" I called, looking around confused.

I waited for him to reply but when I heard nothing but the echo of my voice, I went to his room to see if he were there.

I knocked on his door and then slowly opened it.

"Pony?" I said softly, creeping inside.

His wardrobe was open so I looked in their.

He was standing there alright. I didn't see him since he was hidden behind the doors.

He was just standing there with his back to me.

"Pony?" I said even more gently and put my hand on his shoulder.

He jumped and turned around, panting heavily.

His eyes looked wet and he had a few tears running down his cheeks.

"You okay?" I asked sympathetically. It killed me to see him crying. And it killed me even more knowing he was crying over..._her_.

Pony shrugged and looked at the ground with a lazy look, "I came upstairs to get ready for work, but the wardrobe was open...and then I saw Jill's clothes just hanging on the hooks..."

I looked over his shoulder and saw the clothes.

"I'm gonna call in sick to work today. I better pack this stuff up and get it outta here." Ponyboy sighed, turning back around to face the clothes of his dead manipulative wife.

If only he knew the truth about his so appeared innocent wife. "Stop trying to get between them. They're happy," Sodapop had tried saying. "They're meant to be together. Why do you want to break them up?" Steve had said. And then there were the not exactly friendly things Darry had said...well threatened.

Ponyboy began shuffling through her clothes.

Didn't she only die like I dunno, maybe 2 or 3 days ago? Wasn't it a bit soon to be getting rid of her stuff? I asked this to Ponyboy.

He merely shrugged again, "it hurts too much to see her stuff here anyway. I just want to get rid of it to help me move on. I don't want to be reminded of her daily."

I wanted to grin. He wanted to move on. He wanted to forget her. I guess it's not as hard to get Jill out the way as I had thought originally. But originally I had thought she was still alive, so as cruel as this is, things have turned out better than I hoped!

Ponyboy pulled out some dresses and so on, on coat hangers and carried them over to his bed, where he layed them down.

"Do you want me to help?" I offered.

He seemed a little surprised and was quiet for a moment. Then he smiled, "sure. Thanks Johnny. I don't think I could handle..." then he began to choke up with tears, "this without you." He wiped them away quickly to go back to his wardrobe to grab more stuff and I copied.

We got all her clothes out and various stuff from the top shelf. We began putting them away in bags and boxes.

I stared at Ponyboy. He may be 35 now, but in my eyes he still looked like that young teenager I had fallen in love with.

He had aged well. He had very few wrinkles and was still in great shape. I bet a lot of Michael's single women teachers have tried picking him up at parent/teacher nights over the years.

**-Flashback-   
**   
I was sitting on my porch crying. I was only about 10.

Dad had just beaten me up again and he kicked me out. Too disgusted to even look at me.

He didn't hit me often back then. But when he did I would sit and cry my pain away.

I had nobody to comfort me, which made me feel alone. I didn't even have any friends.

But then I saw him.

I had seen him work down the street with a few guys before or just one.

This time though he was alone for the first time.

He looked about 8. He had longish auburn hair that lazily fell onto his forehead. There was something about him. Every time I saw him walking down the street my heart would beat faster. I wish I had the courage to at least one day say hi to him.

But today he noticed me. I think he had other days. He would look at me, but quickly look to the ground once our eyes made contact.

He stopped in the street and just stared at me.

I wiped away my tears and looked down at the holes in my jeans.

"Hey."

I looked up. He was walking over to me.

My heart sped even faster I just stared at him, my eyes as wide as dishes.

He smiled, "my name's Ponyboy."

I looked at him confused, "Ponyboy?" Then I smiled and looked at the ground saying it over in my head, "my name's Johnny."

"What happened to your lip?" He sat down beside my on the porch.

I looked at him strangely not sure what to say.

He reached his hand out and touched my sore lip with his finger. I winced and backed away.

He looked upset, "sorry." He looked down at his finger and he had blood on it. He wiped it away on his red t-shirt and then ripped some material off the sleeve.

He then, without asking may I add, held it against my lip.

I held it there and he took his hand away.

He was so innocent and cute. I couldn't believe he was so nice to me and he had just met me.

I couldn't explain the strange feeling that swept over me when he stared up at the sky, slouching, with his hands between his knees.

"Thankyou," I said quietly.

He looked at me and smiled, "no problem, Johnny."

After that I knew I had fallen in love.

**-End of Flashback- **

People say you can't fall in love at such a young age, but why do you have to be a certain age just to experience the feeling.

I knew it was real, since I still love him today. God, if only he knew. If only I had said yes to him that day instead of listening to fucking Darry. I wonder if he still remembers it?

**Ponyboy's Pov**

It's not that I wanted to forget Jill. I just didn't want to start crying every time I saw her things just sitting there.

But I remember when Darry had died when I was 20, just before my wedding to Jill, Sodapop told me we should clean up Darry's stuff before it got old and mouldy and collected dust mites...but that isn't the point. He had also said you'll never move on unless you let go of the past and pick up the pieces. I always remembered that.

I found an old shoebox covered in glitter. Of course it must have been Jill's.

I opened it and it was surprisingly very clean inside.

Photos were scattered everywhere. I picked up one. It was Me and Jill sitting on our bed smiling. Michael was sitting on her lap grinning at the camera and she had her arms round him, hugging him tightly. Michael would have only been about 4 then.

Gosh, I don't know where'd I'd be today if that day back when we were twenty had never happened...

**-Flashback- **

I was laying on my bed. I was sharing a house off campus with 4 other guys. Luckily Jill came to the same college as me so she didn't live too far away.

I was worrying about an exam coming up when she ran out, panting heavily, and had been crying.

I sat up confused and worried, "Jill? What's wrong?"

She ran over to me and jumped on my bed.

She leaped towards me and I fell back. She had her arms tightly around me hugging me.

She cried, "I love you so much Ponyboy Curtis. You can't leave me. I cant loose you!"

I pried her arms off me and sat back up. I stared at her confused, wiping away her tears, "what's this all about?"

She gulped and shrugged. "I just love you. That's all."

That's a little strange? But if she didn't want to talk about it I won't force it from her.

Her hair was messed up a little. Most likely from the wind outside.

She sighed heavily and then slumped. I lent over and placed my hand on the back of her head, then I kissed her.

I lent back realizing her lips were quite dry. She stared at me intently with her soft dazzling brown eyes and I felt my stomach do flips.

"Want a drink?" I offered.

She smiled and nodded, then attempted to fix her hair.

I got off the bed and walked towards the door.

When I came back, carrying a glass of water, I closed the door behind me.

"Oh, and Ponyboy," she said quite casually.

I turned around to face her.

"I'm pregnant."

I dropped the glass.

She jumped with fear when she heard the smash of shattering glass.

"Pony? Are you okay?"

My jaw had fallen open and I just stared at her, my eye slightly twitching.

How could this of happened? I always used protection? Always.

"Please say something," she began to cry again and buried her head in her hands.

She fell sideways back down onto the bed and just sobbed.

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. Pregnant. That was unexpected. How am I supposed to react? It's not like I was some teenager still in high school. But I was only 19. I didn't plan on having kids till I was at least out of college.

And what did this mean? I would have to marry Jill now? It is the right thing to do, and Darry would beat the tar out of me if I didn't.

How long have I been with her? 4 years. We were happy together. Of course we had had our share fair of problems, but we always worked through them.

Could I even be a dad though? Is it something your born with or just learn?

I realized I should say something.

I sat down on the bed beside her and stroked her back, "shh, it's okay."

She sat up and wiped her tears away, but her lip quivered still. "You're not mad?"

"It's not your fault..." And then I had to ask the question that had been bothering me for about a few seconds, "is it mine?"

I've never seen her so angry before.

She glared at me, and grabbed a pillow. She hit me across the face with it and got off the bed.

"Of course it's yours! God, do you think so little of me, that you actually think I'd cheat on you!"

My eyes widened, "no, Jilly, just, I had always wore a condom, how is this possible?"

"They don't prevent pregnancy 100!" She yelled angrily and I wondered if my room mates could hear.

"I'm sorry," I said trying to calm her down. I stood off the bed and to a step towards her.

She back off, "look, if you don't wanna be a man and get all scared on me, whatever! But I will NOT have our child grow up without a father!"

She stomped off...a trait Michael had gotten.

I grabbed her before she opened the door.

I held her by the shoulders and pushed her against the door, not knowing my own strength.

She glared at me.

"Will you just relax!" I yelled, "I didn't even say that and you're going all psycho on me!"

She pouted and looked away from me.

I let go of her shoulders. "I need some time to think."

She crossed her arms.

"When did you find out about this?" I asked.

"About what?"

What? "About you being pregnant!" I practically yelled.

"Oh," she nodded. She looked around the room and bit her bottom lip. Then said, "um...a week ago."

I nodded and sat back down onto the bed. I ran my hands through my hair and sighed.

She sat down beside me and then layed her head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry," she said.

**-End of Flashback- **

Shuffling through her photo's I then found a pink book.

Johnny got off the bed, with some bags, "want me to put these away?"

He was being so helpful it was overwhelming, but I was grateful.

I nodded, "Can you sit them downstairs? We can place them in the dark hole under the staircase later today."

He nodded and then left carrying quite a few.

I stared down at the pink book. It had a lock on the side of it and in gold writing on the front said "Jill". I guess it was her diary.

I stared at it, wondering if I should open it or not.

Even after death, I guess she wouldn't want anyone reading her diary. But instead of putting it in one of the boxes to store it away with the other stuff, I sat it in my draw.

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7 chapters and it's only been 2 days hahahaha. I'm planning on making things speed up soon. I want the rest of the gang to turn up, but later, I'll wait a few more days. I'm gonna explain more about Darry, and Jill later.   
Since I took so long to update, I made this a nice long chapter.   
Sorry it really sucks though and is written incredibly badly...does that even make sense?   
Next chapter I'll try makin' it more descriptive, I was kinda rushing through this like I usually do.


	8. Johnny's Heart Ache

Hey I'm finally updating. I've got a good idea for this one. I came up with it ages ago and planned it out, it just took me ages to actually write it. Hope you like it.

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It was a chilly night so I put the collar up on my jacket. Of course it wasn't my traditional jeans jacket from back in the day. This was an updated version that I was able to fit into again. I remember some one time fling girl gave it to me as a present when I was about 18 or 19…actually it could have even been a guy who gave me this new jacket. I dunno, those days were sorta hazy.

I was walking down the street of our old neighbourhood. I remember Ponyboy always wanted to move to the country when we were just teenagers, but Jill didn't want to after they were married, though she had told him she wanted to while they were dating. I saw how hurt he was in his eyes when he told me he wasn't moving to the country like he always hoped.

Maybe now that Jill's passed away he can. Maybe not actually move there since Michael's grown up here and has friends here, but maybe just for a holiday. To get away from it all and hopefully help him and Michael to move on with their lives.

Today although Ponyboy was being very strong by going through Jill's things, I could see how badly it hurt him inside. He's now a grieving widow. I never thought he would be one. I remember when we were kids and old Mrs Flanders lost her husband that winter, everyone was real kind to her and offered her all the help and sympathy she'd be able to handle. But no matter how much everyone tried to make her feel better, you just can't. It's as if you die along with your spouse. Or some part is taken away from you so you're never the same again.

I noticed I was at Buck's place. My feet must have carried me here by old habit from years ago.

I could hear the music from outside and it got louder once I opened the door and stepped inside.

It wasn't as rowdy as it was back in the day and thankfully it wasn't the same old music Buck made us listen to.

I walked up to the bar and sat down.

"Buck can I have a drink?" I asked to his back.

He turned around and I realized it wasn't him. Though someone who looked familiar to Buck.

He shook his head, "I ain't Buck. That's my uncle. I'm Jim."

He looked to be about in his late twenties.

"Where's Buck?" I asked.

"Hospital," he said sadly, "he's been sick for a while now. I've taken over things here for him. Were you a friend of his?"

I wasn't exactly a friend. I was just a regular. Ever since the day Ponyboy began dating Jill I came here to drown my sorrows in alcohol. I had become everything I hated…my dad.

A no good alcoholic.

But at least I didn't go home and yell at people for no reason or beat up my son (I don't have a son, but I wouldn't anyway). Dad died of alcohol poisoning when I was 17. Mum ignored me more then ever after that. I had to get a job just to support us and pay the bills. I realised how bad Darry had it. I had to drop out of school and get a full time job. Luckily Sodapop gave me one down at the DX station. Thanks to that I knew quite a lot about cars from Steve and I got the odd girl too who would come down to see Soda, but somehow end up flirting with me instead.

"Is something wrong?" Jim asked pouring me a drink and handing me it.

I stared at it for a moment, then grasped it in my hand and drank it down.

"You wouldn't understand," I sighed. I felt more comfortable talking to Buck. He had to put up with me for years. Could I really replace him? I think after years of trying to replace Ponyboy, it's obvious I can't.

But Buck was just a guy who listened to my problems while Ponyboy was the boy I loved.

I pushed girls away from me while I loved Ponyboy. People probably wondered why I never had a girlfriend.

There was the odd girl, but all they really were, were just some way to release all my pent up sexual frustration towards Ponyboy.

At Ponyboy's wedding I had hooked up with his cousin who shared a small resemblance towards him. Her name was Katie something maybe it was Curtis too, anyway, she had the same auburn hair as him and eyes, and also enjoyed looking at sunsets.

I thought she might have been a female version. The girl I've needed all my life and I've finally found her. Possibly my soul mate. But it was just false hope. She didn't have the same smile as him, or the same twinkle in her eye when she's reading a book, or that modest attitude whenever she was complimented, or just how happy and simple she smiled or looked when she saw the sun rise. I know I'm being too picky, but there just a few of the many qualities I love about Ponyboy.

Then I turned to random girls who shared the same certain quality to Ponyboy. Whether it be in features, or interests, or personality. But still none of them could fill that empty place in my heart.

Then I turned to men who shared the same qualities as Ponyboy, thinking since they were guys like Ponyboy obviously was, and they'd be able to fix my broken heart easier than a girl could.

But once again false hope and my heart was left torn up again and dragged itself back down to Buck's.

When Michael turned 5 I couldn't take it no more. They were so freakin' happy. A family that was built from the mistake I had made.

-**Flashback- **

Ponyboy looked up at me with his big teary wet eyes and blinked a few times. When he did that a few tears escaped and rolled down his smooth cheeks. I wanted to brush them away and kiss him, tell him not to be upset.

"Johnny…" He started looking even more upset. I thought he would break into hysterical sobs if he spoke again, but he managed, "Do you love me?"

Oh god yes. I loved him with all my heart. My whole life had been leading up to this moment. I fantasized about it. The day Ponyboy wanted my love!

But yet I couldn't return the feelings I had for him. I loved him and if that meant sacrificing my happiness for his then I would have to.

He asked again more scared, "do you love me? Please say you do." More tears had escaped and he looked so helpless so afraid and so alone.

I sighed and looked down. I couldn't possibly say this while looking into his eyes. "I don't love you, Ponyboy."

He shook his head and began to yell at me, "no! Johnny! Please, I love you! I know you love me too! Why are you lieing to me!"

I closed my eyes feeling them burn, "I'm not lieing."

He pushed me quite roughly still crying. "Fuck you!" He yelled which surprised me since I've never heard him say that to me.

He wiped away his tears with his sleeve and pushed past me, running away.

I opened my eyes and looked back up. I was breathing heavily and I wanted to break into violent tears.

I felt Darry's presence behind me in the doorway.

I turned around and he was leaning against the doorframe. "You've done the right thing," he said.

I glared at him, "I feel horrible about it though." I shoved past him and left.

I could hear Ponyboy crying in Sodapop's room and Soda trying to comfort him. That was the worst day of my life. When everything was ruined.

**-End of Flashback- **

Could Ponyboy ever forgive me for breaking his heart like that and for lieing to him?

I wonder if he still had feelings for me?

No he can't that's silly. He got married and had Michael. They were happy for years and I would have left Pony's heart many years ago.

But what if…I was still there. Just in a dark corner waiting for the light. With Jill gone I have the opportunity. I was hoping for this second chance to steal Ponyboy back like I told Jill all along I would.

As much as she tried we both knew she wouldn't be able to hold onto him forever. Too bad she had to die though. I would have really loved to see her face when I said, "told ya."

But I knew Ponyboy and he would never cheat on his wife. He gave me a chance but I let it slip by. Fuck you, Darry.

**-Flashback- **

"And Ponyboy do you take Jill Summers to be you wife?"

It was his wedding day. I was his best man. I was there to support him through this.

But I could tell it was eating Jill up inside that I was this close. She was always suspicious when I was around him and trying to pull him away.

Ponyboy began to hesitate and everyone started to whisper.

Ponyboy turned his head and looked at me.

He gave me the saddest and pleading look.

I noticed Darry in the crowd glare at me.

I sighed and looked down.

Ponyboy looked down sadly then faced the priest and Jill again, "I do."

"Does anyone object…" he went on with that wedding thing.

Jill glared at me and so did Darry.

Oh god, here's my chance and they knew it. I could break up this wedding. Run out of here with Ponyboy and live happily ever after with him. But the thought of what Darry said dawned on me and I knew Ponyboy could never be with me.

So the wedding went on and the two kissed. But for the rest of the day Ponyboy would smile for photos, be lovey-dovey with Jill, and act as if he were happy. But when he looked into my eyes from across the room I knew I could have objected and he would of ran off with me, possibly with no regrets.

**-End of Flashback- **

-Once Again Another Flashback-

I was lying on my bed. Maybe I was 16 going on 17, I don't remember.

Well I was fantasizing about Ponyboy again (this was before we knew of each others feelings towards the other).

And when thinking of him that usually brought on a certain important problem down below my waist so I did what I normally did in that situation…jack off of course.

I moaned, "Ponyboy," as I thought about him.

"Who's Ponyboy?" My window opened.

I squeaked and stopped immediately.

My next-door neighbour and life long friend jumped into my room. Her name was Jill.

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Hehehe… I wanted to add another tiny itty-bitty twist into the story.  
P.S I know nothing about weddings.


	9. Dang, we've been Caught!

Wow the 9th chapter! Yep, I'll explain maybe in later chapters…or even the next one, where Johnny was staying before he came to Ponyboy's. In future chapters I do plan on Michael getting with a girl. It will just take a damn long time.  
Anyways, hope you all like this chapter!

P.S Nobody gave any suggestions on what Ponyboy's job is…so that will forever remain as a mystery

PP.S I haven't been able to review stories lately? How wierds that? Or even add authors to fav list or stories, which totally sucks!! Anyway…on with the story since nobody cares bout my pointless a/n

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**Ponyboy's Pov**

I was sitting at my desk in the study doing some paper work for work. It's due in on Monday and my boss will kill me if I don't get it in. but then again I have a good excuse…my wife just died!

I looked at the neatly framed family portrait of our family that was taken probably about 2 years ago.

Jill was so beautiful. I wasn't the only guy who knew. A lot of guys down at the office noticed too. She flirted with a lot of my friends too. I saw her a lot touching some guy's arm suggestively.

I didn't really mind actually. But when I even spoke to another girl she went completely psycho! She did when I was with Johnny too. Can't blame her though. He was one good-lookin' guy.

**-Flashback- **

Me and Johnny were sitting under a tree at the lot. My brothers and the gang were all playing some football and me and Johnny were too for a while, but Johnny sprained his ankle and had to sit down. I sat out too with him so he wouldn't feel so lonely.

"How's your ankle feeling?" I asked to try and bring up a conversation.

"Eh, it's nothing. I'll be fine," he said shrugging it off.

The sprained ankle must be nothing compared to the beatings he gets at home. Shoot, it'd probably be like getting a hangnail compared to constantly breaking your wrist, or even your arm.

I then noticed he was lighting a smoke that was between his lips. I watched with fascination.

I can't remember how old I was, I was young though.

I had noticed Johnny had been smoking for ages now, and everytime he did it, it really fascinated me.

Just the look of that smoke being held so carelessly between his fingers then brought up to his soft looking pinkish-red lips, then he would place the smoke between his lips and breathe in.

It looked so good. It didn't seem as good when someone like Dally did it, but when I watched Johnny do it, it was like…amazing?

He passed it to me, "wanna drag?"

I stared at the smoke confused. Then him.

He smiled, "you're always staring at it. You wanna try it don't you?"

I nodded slowly, staring at that smoke again.

I took it from his hand and copied what he always did. But instead I began coughing when I felt the smooth air travel down my throat.

Johnny chuckled a little and my brothers looked over. But continued on with their game.

Johnny smiled and took the smoke back, "guess you need practice."

I nodded and watched him do it again. "Did you?"

"Did I what?" He asked blowing the smoke back out.

"Need practice?"

He nodded, "yeah. Not much though. I had watched Dally do it a lot though."

I felt something strange boil inside of me. But it was sort of like pain, but I couldn't actually feel any physical pain.

I think I soon realized that I was feeling jealous, but I had quickly denied it.

Darry soon came over and asked Johnny how he was.

Johnny looked up at Darry and shrugged. "Fine," he said just barely above a whisper.

Johnny spoke quietly like that to Darry a lot, and he didn't speak very much to him. But it wasn't just Darry, it was becoming the whole gang.

But not me for some reason.

He would when the rest of the gang were around, but when we were alone he talked more. Not excessively but you could strike up a conversation.

We understood each other…but I had no idea how. We just had some kind of connection, you know? It was strange sometimes to think about. I didn't connect as much with the other guys cause I think it was because I was younger than them, but Johnny must have found it easier for that reason? Maybe it was because he looked my age, or we were often quiet together, or because we just simply enjoyed each other's company. But I knew what ever we had was special.

Darry gave me a stern look. "Maybe you should get home and get a start on your homework?"

I groaned and rolled my eyes, "it's Saturday! Do I have to?"

"Better to do it now than staying up all night Sunday rushing to get it done, and not doing it to your full potential."

I sighed and looked over at Johnny.

He was putting out the smoke.

"Seeya, Johnny," I said and stood up.

"Seeya, Pony," he said and looked up at me.

I couldn't break eye contact with him. His eyes were so mesmerizing for some reason at that time. I began to feel dizzy and my heart was beating faster.

"I'll walk you home," Darry offered me.

I nodded and broke the eye contact; my head felt like it was spinning. I had thought it was because of the smoke but a few days later I had realized it was because of Johnny.

Darry and me walked away and I looked back at Johnny a few times, with him still on my mind. Just the image of him smoking.

"Did you have a smoke with Johnny?" Darry said as we walked down the sidewalk.

I put my hands in my pocket, "just a little drag. That was it. Just to try it."

"Dad would kill you, you know, if he caught you smoking?"

I looked at him worried, "I was just trying it! Your not gonna tell him are you!"

He smiled and shook his head, "naw, it can be our little secret."

I smiled too, "thanks, Darry."

He put his arm 'round me and chuckled a little, "I worry 'bout you too much."

I shrugged, knowing dead well he did.

"I'm just looking out for what's best for you, kid."

**-End of Flashback- **

I really missed Darry sometimes. He had died shortly after my wedding so he never got to meet Michael. He knew about Michael though, if you know what I mean?

I remember a few days after Jill had told me she was pregnant I went home to see Darry.

**-Flashback- **

I knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer.

Sodapop lived not far by here with Sandy. Sodapop and Sandy. Sandy and Sodapop. There names went together. Ponyboy and Jill. Jill and Ponyboy. How come our names didn't suit as well?…Ponyboy and Johnny. Shutup! Stop thinking about him!

"Hello? Oh, hi, Ponyboy." It was Darry's wife Miss Chambers…err…I mean Cindy.

"Darry home?" I asked.

She nodded, still smiling politely, and then invited me inside.

The home that used to be our families had been transformed into just plainly Darry's and Cindy's home.

I sat down on the fairly new blue couch.

If you're wondering about Cindy…she was my young pretty English teacher in year 10.

It was parent/teacher night and since Darry was my legal guardian he came up.

Well sparks flew between the two and Darry worked up the courage to ask Miss Chambers…Cindy, out for a date.

Obviously, that was a hit too, because they continued dating. She moved in a year later when Darry proposed to her and the two soon got married.

Cindy walked over to the bathroom and knocked on the door, "Darry, Ponyboy's here."

I could hear the shower running.

She came back and sat in the armchair, "he'll be out in a sec."

I always felt kind of awkward with her. Sometimes by accident I would still call her Miss Chambers, though technically she's Mrs Curtis.

"How are you?" She asked. I think she could sense the tension.

"Alright," I nodded. After a while I realised I had been rude by not asking her so I did, "and you?"

She smiled, "fine."

She looked at the tv though and rubbed her arm. She sighed a little.

I had felt really sorry for her. I knew her and Darry had been trying for a baby for a while now. It's so sad when a couple want a baby desperately but can't, but another couple can have one so easily just by accident.

It was weird thinking about it now, when I looked back on it. Cindy did eventually have a baby. But sadly Darry had died before he was born too.

They had had a son. Cindy named him Darrel Jr. He looked just like Darry it was like looking back into Darry's past childhood form.

Darry (as we had also nicknamed Darrel Jr) was only about 2 months younger then Michael, and the two had grown up very close since they both lived in the same neighbourhood.

But when the boys were about 11, Cindy re-married another man who totally loved his work and he got offered another high paying job in I think Washington? So he packed up his family and moved them there. Michael was crushed to see his cousin go.

But anyway, Darry came back in with a towel around his waist.

"Hey, Ponyboy, how's Jill?" He said, while walking into his bedroom.

"Yeah…'bout that," I said getting up and following him.

I followed him into his bedroom and sat on his bed.

He was mingling through his wardrobe looking for some clothes.

"A couple of days ago," I started.

"Cindy!" Darry yelled out, interrupting me, "where's my white shirt?"

"Which one?" She yelled back.

"The one with the white, shiny looking buttons. You know, I think I wore it last weekend when we visited your parents?"

"Oh, check the bottom left draw."

Darry walked over to his draws so I continued.

"Jill told me that…"

"This ain't the one with the shiny buttons! It's the one with the non-shiny buttons!" Darry interrupted me again, yelling out to his wife.

"Does it really matter? Your just going for a check-up at the doctor's!" She yelled back.

He grumbled something to himself and got it out.

"I hate going to the doctor's," he told me, "I didn't want to go but Cindy insisted I should just in case since its good to go in for regular check-ups. I just know they're going to find something wrong with me. You jinx these things by seeing a doctor."

"Anyway," I said sighing with frustration, "Jill told me that…"

"But I really want the one with the shiny buttons!" Darry yelled to Cindy again.

"Do you want me to check the clothesline?" she yelled back.

"If you don't mind?" He said yelling back.

I rolled my eyes and leaned back getting more frustrated by the second.

"What were you saying Ponyboy?" Darry asked.

"The other day Jill told me that…"

"Nope it's not there," Cindy yelled back.

I groaned and layed back on the bed.

"Are you totally absolutely sure?!" Darry yelled.

"You can check for yourself if you want."

"Fine!"

I stood up quickly stopping him before he could leave, "Jill's pregnant!"

His eyes widened and he froze.

"Oh, wait, I think I found it," Cindy yelled.

Darry said nothing though and just stared at me.

She later came in, "you still want it?" She asked.

Darry looked at Cindy, then at me. "Is it yours?"

I shrugged, then nodded, "I guess…so she tells me."

"Then you have to marry her." I felt my heart sink into my stomach and a tennis ball grow in my throat.

"What's going on?" Cindy asked.

"Ponyboy got his girlfriend Jill pregnant."

**-End of Flashback- **

That reminded me I had to call Cindy sometime just to tell her about Jill's death. Also to generally find out what she's been up to lately, how she is, how Darry Jr is, how Michael's doing, and how Sodapop and his family are doing.

I looked at our family portrait once again. Why wasn't I mourning over Jill like I thought I would be? Maybe since I've been really distracted lately…

I opened my draw and took out a very old picture.

It was me and Johnny when we were much much younger. I had my arm 'round his shoulders and we were grinning. Those were the days. When everything was simpler and didn't have to worry too much. The picture was taken before my parents death so you understand how long ago it was taken. Though it seems like just yesterday. Things were so much easier. I didn't have to worry too much about grades, or girls, or other things…

I layed my head on my desk and yawned. My eyes were getting heavy. Another second or two I knew I was gonna be out like a light. Damn I didn't finish those papers.

**Johnny's Pov **

I stumbled home. I had caught a taxi, which was good; luckily I had a few extra dollars in my pocket.

I wonder if Ponyboy would get mad seeing I've come back to his place drunk? I'm not too drunk, maybe just tipsy.

"Ow!" I walked straight into the mailbox. Smart, Johnny, smart.

**Michael's Pov **

"Did you hear that?" I asked looking around.

"It was nothing." Ryan continued kissing my neck.

"Are you sure? Coulda sworn..."

"Relax!" Ryan said getting frustrated with me.

I nodded and just sat still while he kissed my neck. I couldn't enjoy this while I thought someone was hanging around.

Ryan then began to put his weight on me so I was forced to lay down with him on top.

His hand began to unzip my jeans.

I watched him with caution as he began to take off my jeans. I wasn't sure what he was planning on doing since we've never gotten this far. I had to admit I was scared.

He began to rub my forming erection between my legs, but the only thing that kept him from actually touching was my boxers.

I layed back and moaned quietly every now and then. I looked across the room and saw my t-shirt carelessly lying on the ground near Ryan's.

Then he stopped and I looked at him confused.

He was taking off his jeans too now?

"Why are you taking your jeans off too?" I asked.

He smiled, "you're so cute, Michael," and he kissed my lips.

I pushed him back, "no, seriously."

He shrugged as if it weren't a big deal and said, "we've been dating for ages now, so It's 'bout time we have sex."

My eyes widened and I sat up, but he held me back down.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I'm not ready for that! I'm only 15!"

"So?"

"So!" I said and pushed him away. I sat up and began pulling my jeans back up.

"You know I thought being in a relationship with a guy would mean that you wouldn't have to worry about a girl getting all scared about sex."

Was he calling me a girl? Now I felt bad. I didn't want to be the girl in this relationship. Maybe I should just do it? But a sick feeling in my stomach told me it just wasn't right…but I wasn't sure if it was because I just wasn't ready to have sex, or if I wanted my first time to be with him.

"Well…I would…but I'm just not in the mood." I lied.

"How could you not be in the mood? I can clearly see you are in the mood?"

I grabbed my pillow and put it in my lap, sulking. Why was he being so mean? Oh god I am the girl!

"Well…my mum just died!"

"What has she got to do with it?" He said, getting more angry.

"She just died, dude! I'm still upset over it!" I could feel my eyes begin to water just talking about her, "I can't do something like this while im mourning over my mum. I wanted my first time to be special."

I heard someone coming upstairs.

"Don't be a baby," Ryan said cupping my cheeks, and kissing me.

I tried to push him away, so he grabbed my wrists, then layed on my again.

I began to whimper against his kiss and struggled to get out of his grip but he was stronger then me.

"Hey, Michael, you okay, buddy?" The door opened…OHMIGOD!

It was Johnny!

Ryan let go of me and sat up quickly.

But it was too late. Johnny's jaw was hanging on the ground and I thought sooner or later his eyes were definitely going to pop out of his head.

I was expecting him to yell at me that I was a fag or something, or worse go run to my father and tell him what he saw.

I sat up, breathing heavily since my heart was beating so much with fear.

"Eer…" Johnny then said, looking around extreamely awkwardly, "see you in the morning."

He closed the door and I could hear him running down the hall…thank god not towards dads room. Then I heard a crash, Johnny swearing, and then a door shut.

Ryan looked at me fearfully. I glared at him and crossed my arms.

"Get out," I said.

He looked me up and down, his lip trembling, "Ohmigod…I dunno what came over me…I'm so sor-"

"Just get out!" I yelled at him.

He stood up and did his pants back up.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Fuck off."

"Don't be like that."

"Johnny caught us, Ryan. It'd be a cold day in hell before I ever speak to you again."

"Hey! You can't blame me for that!"

"You almost…" I cringed thinking about it, and felt my eyes get hot again, "just please get out." He looked at me sadly then left, closing the door behind him.

I got under my covers quickly and cried.

How could he? He said he loved me! You don't do that to people you love! And what about Johnny? Oh god…will he tell my dad?

**Johnny's Pov **

I wasn't sure if I should tell his dad.

It's something Ponyboy would want to know right? That his son is gay. But would he really want to hear something like that after his wife had just recently passed away?

But maybe Michael ain't gay. He could have just been experimenting I guess? But why did he look upset when I came in, and how come I could hear him whimpering?

Maybe I shouldn't tell Pony? Maybe I should talk to Michael about it? Or just pretend I saw nothing.

Maybe I did say nothing. I am drunk…not that drunk. But maybe I'm drunker than I think I am and I'm really passed out on the kitchen floor right now dreaming all this…Ow my head hurts.

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Sorry took my so long to update. I've been working on this everyday for like 2 weeks or something, but the dang chapter just wouldn't finish! But it least for the people who like this will hopefully think it was worth the long wait for this chapter. I hate it when you wait ages for a chapter and then it's really fuckin' tiny!

The thought of Michael being a girl was a reference to zevie's story Happy Birthday Dallas. I read it a while ago (wanted to review but couldn't cause my comp is stuffin' up for some strange reason) I liked it a lot and thought it was funny, so instead of reviewin', I did this.


	10. The Flashback

Wow, chapter 10!! –Screams excitedly and runs around in circles!!- Sorry, just feels like a big accomplishment! It'd feel even bigger of an accomplishment if I reached 100 reviews though. Man, how cool would that be! Oooo, or got nominated on the wrong side of the tracks thing…when's the winners gonna be announced anyway? Anyway, on with the story!

P.S This is Johnny's dream…which is a continuation of a previous flashback that was on chapter 8.

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"Who's Ponyboy?" Jill jumped in through my window and onto my floor.

I pulled the blanket up to my chin. "Nobody!"

"Ya-huh, you were jackin' off, to an imaginary friend?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Turn around!" I told her angrily.

She sighed frustratingly and turned around.

I quickly got dressed and she faced me again.

"So, who's the girl…she cute?" She smirked.

"Whoever said it was a…" then I realized something… Jill thinks Ponyboy is a girl…geez, what an idiot. I mean it's so painfully obvious- PonyBOY!!! But it'd be better for me to let her think he was a girl, so then she couldn't spread something like I was gay to the school. But she wouldn't do that even if I told her I was gay.

She would never betray me.

"What kind of weird parents would name their daughter, Ponyboy! What weird freaks. They must have been drunk!" She laughed.

I felt the anger boil inside of me. "I thought it was creative and original."

She smiled smugly, "yeah…whatever."

I got out of bed and she put her hands in her pockets, "wanna head down to the movies?"

"That's all anyone does," I said, "lets go somewhere else."

"You have no money, do you?"

"None what so ever," I said, looking down.

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We headed down to the ol' diner and sat at a booth.

"So, tell me about this girl," she said, while drinking a milkshake.

"There's nothing to tell," I said, checking out a guy with auburn hair at the juke box, who reminded me of Ponyboy.

"Yeah…" she said, rolling her eyes.

"Fine. She's just a friend of mine."

"You actually have other friends then me?"

I hated it when she acted like a bitch like that.

"Yes, lots."

"What she look like?" Jill asked.

"Reddish-brown hair, and greeny grey eyes."

"Is that all the info' you're gonna give me?"

"What more can I say?"

She shrugged.

"I think I'm in love with her," I said nervously, scared of what Jill would say.

She raised her eyebrow, and stopped drinking her milkshake, "love her?"

I nodded, blushing a little, and then looked out the window, sighing lovingly, "she's always on my mind. I can't get her out of my head. It feels like there's a million butterfly's just flying around in my body, making my heart beat faster whenever I think about her, and they're in my head, also making me feel dizzy…and sort of sick in my stomach. Ever had that feeling?"

"Nope," she shook her head. She smiled and tilted her head, "I wish I could marry someone who made me feel like that."

"I'd love to marry hi…her," I blushed.

"You must really truly be madly deeply in love with her, to feel that way."

"I am," I smiled.

"She nice?"

I nodded, smiling, thoughts of him filling my mind, "she's really nice. She's also into books and sunsets and stuff. She also gets really good grades! And is on the track team! God, she's so amazing, that it's overwhelming."

"Wow, she does sound pretty amazing…she got a brother?"

"2 actually."

"Hmm…" she said, twirling her straw around in her glass.

I rested my chin on my hand and sighed lovingly, thinking about him.

God, it was so great telling someone about my feelings for him. It was like a huge load off my shoulders. I felt more lighter than ever, and thinking about him just made me feel like I was floating.

"Ponyboy," she said quietly, repeating it to herself. "Gosh, she's gotta be the only girl in town with that name!"

"From what I know of, she is."

"I'm so happy for you, Johnny," she smiled, "do you think she likes you too?"

I sighed and looked down, "there'll never be a chance of that."

She gave me a worried look, "why?"

"Lets just say… I'm not her type."

"Oh," she nodded, "well you do have very greasy hair? And you do always wear the same jeans jacket? And you are sorta scrawny, and you…"

"Okay! I get it!" I rolled my eyes.

"Is she a soc?"

"No. She just would never be interested in someone like me."

"Oh," she nodded.

"Will you quit saying 'Oh'," I imitated her. She was really bugging me now. Maybe 'cause she keeps insulting me.

"Sorry," she said leaning back and crossing her arms. "You don't have to get all angry at me though, just 'cause some girl ain't interested in you."

Then she smiled at me, "is this girl me?"

"Get over yourself," I rolled my eyes, "besides you don't even fit the description."

"Whatever," she said coyly, still thinking it was her.

"I'm not even attracted to you in the slightest bit," I told her honestly.

"You say that now, but I know what you're thinking."

"That you're starting to annoy me?"

"I know you want me, Johnny Cade."

"Think whatever you want," I sighed frustratingly.

"I mean, seriously, 'Ponyboy'?" She giggled.

"There's nothing wrong with that name!" I got up, "I'm goin' see you 'round, Jill."

"Bye," she said.

Man, I don't even know why I was friends with her sometimes! But still, it was good telling someone about my feeling's for Ponyboy, even if I wasn't entirely honest.

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Wow, what an insanely short –and boring- chapter for chapter 10! Totally not worth the wait. So I'll just have to update sooner for chapter 11, and maybe an actual better flashback. I'll understand if I get no reviews for this…god it was horrible.


	11. That Morning

Well I'm back writing the umm…I think 11th chapter is it? I ain't sure? The flashbacks are beginning to come together now, I wanted to mix 'em up like a big jigsaw puzzle….if anyone had noticed.

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**Michael's Pov**

I could smell bacon cooking as I walked down the stairs. I loved this time of the morning. When you're awake, but still in that sleepy state, and everything just feels relaxing, you know?

Dad was at the bench, sipping coffee, while going over some papers. He sometimes did them at breakfast when he hadn't done them the night before. I'm guessing he fell asleep at his desk like he sometimes did. I remember mum would wake him up and put him into bed. I guess without her around now, I'll have to do it. Or maybe even Johnny?

I walked into the lounge and sat on the couch, turned the tv on with the remote. I love the remote!

"Mornin', Mike," dad said, chewing on his pen.

"Mornin', dad," I said, with a yawn afterwards.

"Want some bacon?" He asked, spinning around in his stool to face me, "I put some on."

"It's okay, I'll just have some cereal." I told him.

Dad got up to flip over the bacon to prevent it from burning, then went back to his stool.

I layed down on the couch, feeling my eyes get heavy. Sleepy state sometimes put me back to sleep.

But I quickly snapped out of it, when Johnny came walking downstairs, holding his head.

Oh god! I had completely forgotten! He caught me and Ryan last night! Ryan…that jerk! I'm gonna ignore him all day! That'll teach him…

Johnny must of horribly remembered it too, when his eyes widened for a moment, when he looked at me. He quickly walked into the kitchen.

"Rough night, Johnny?" Dad asked him, I could hear the smirk in his voice.

Johnny grumbled and opened the fridge.

I was still staring at him. Was he going to tell? I had a horrible feeling he would. But maybe he wouldn't? He is my god father after all? Maybe there's some sort of god son – god father confidentiality?

I wanted to talk to him about it, but I was scared. I rushed off to school as quickly as I could.

**Johnny's Pov**

Michael left rather early? I think I knew why. I looked over at Ponyboy, still working on his paper, chewing on that pen. Would he want to know what I saw? I think I should tell him, he is my bestfriend… or was. Are we even still best friends? I didn't even contact the guy in I think 5 years?

I wished he still greased his hair back like he had in the old days. Now it just layed clean and fresh against his forehead. He had quite a baby face, you wouldn't think he was 35. Maybe mid twenties? His greenish-grey eyes hadn't lost their colour or spark to them either, I could still get lost in them to this day. We were still about the same height, which I found sorta funny. But I think I looked older than my mid twenties sadly. I remember how much looking younger had bugged me in those days, now I wish I still looked younger.

Ponyboy sighed rather loudly and pushed the papers aside, "I don't feel like going to work. I'm just gonna say I'm too upset over Jill."

The way he had said it didn't sound very much like he cared at all about Jill. I wanted to smile. Instead I hid it and masked it with concern, "are you sure?"

He nodded, and folded his arms onto the bench, "I'd probably break down during the day anyway."

Damn!

The phone began to ring and he got up to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hi."

"Yeah, very sad news. Too bad you couldn't make it to the funeral." He nodded against the phone.

Who was he talking too?

"Michael? He's holding up better then I expected I guess."

After a very long pause he continued talking again, "um… I don't know. Is that a really good idea, I mean so soon? I think he would be better staying at home with me right now?"

"Alright, I'll talk to him about it."

"Yep, okay, bye." And he hanged up.

"Who was that?" I asked, sitting on the couch, where Michael had sat earlier.

"Jill's parents," Ponyboy said, with slight confusion and sat beside me.

His leg was touching mine, I could feel myself begin to blush, so I moved my leg quickly and flipped through the channels on the tv.

"What'd they want?" I asked, with mild interest.

"They want Michael to stay with them for a few days. I think that they think they might be closed off from him now that Jill is gone."

"Oh…so is he gonna go?"

Ponyboy shrugged, "dunno. I think it's a bit soon for him to be leaving."

I thought differently. "Maybe leaving for a few days is the best thing for him? You know, leave the house, get some fresh air, clear his thoughts. Round here he'll just be reminded constantly of his mother."

Ponyboy thought it over and nodded, "yeah, you're right. But I'll still have to talk to him about it. I think maybe I just needed him around."

I placed my hand on his, "you've always got me if you need a shoulder to cry on." I smiled.

He smiled, "thanks Johnnycake."

Hearing that nickname sent a tingle all over my body.

"I haven't called you that in a while," he chuckled.

I nodded, still smiling, "I know. It was good to hear it again."

"Like a quick flashback to the old days?" Ponyboy chuckled again. Gosh, I still found him adorable whenever he laughed like that.

I nodded once again, "yeah." I chuckled too this time.

Was it just me or could he also feel the sparks between us right now?

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Ohmigosh. Dad just got mad at me, better head to bed. It's almost 2 I think and it's a school night. Sorry if this is cut off short, but that's why.

Also I screwed up with Darry Jr, 'cause wasn't Darry named after his dad? Oh well…


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